Last time we talked about how wives can please their husbands. Now, let us take a look at how husbands can please their wives.
Men, find out what your wife’s love language is and speak it often. Does she crave time with you? How about receiving gifts? Gifts don’t need to be expensive, just thoughtful. Pick up her favorite candy bar or pick a flower for her. Would she enjoy a glass of wine and putting her feet up while you clean up after dinner one night? How about a lovemaking session where you do all of the “work” and she just enjoys. Try making love to her entire body not just the main parts, if you know what I mean.
I realize that the following is very difficult for a man, but try walking in her shoes. Not literally. My size 7 high heels might hurt my husband and that would not be helpful to anyone. Without trying to solve any problems, listen to her with compassion and empathy. It is hard being a woman. There are a lot of things that scare us and overwhelm us and we do carry a big load. Let us put that load on your broad shoulders.
Finally, find out what makes your wife feel like a queen and then make sure to do it. Not just once –do it over and over. For me, it is in me knowing and feeling, that I am top priority. When he makes me his priority right after his relationship with God, I feel like I am the queen of the universe.
So Mr. King, go get your Queen.
Why has it become such a negative thing for a wife to work toward pleasing her husband? Maybe as a society we have come to a place where we view serving in marriage as demeaning. Serving another human being does not mean that you are their slave. It does not mean that you are less valuable than them. Serving another human being is one way to show love and you are almost guaranteed that it will be received as love by the other person. For this blog post, I propose that we look at the real power that women possess. This kind of power comes from being a feminine woman inside and outside.
Serving your husband begins with a realization that he is very different from you. This is where you put yourself into his size 10 shoes. Some of the ways that you can serve your husband include:
>Allow him some time to downshift once he returns home. Give him 10 or 15 minutes of quiet and then he will probably be ready to hear about your day.
>Does he ever go and sit down? Now is your time to offer and bring him something that he would enjoy.
>When he wants physical interaction with you, don’t swat him away. Give him that kiss and hug and let him touch you the way that he desires to. Use this time to throw in a little flirt by maybe reminding him of a bedroom tidbit that occurred the last time you were together. He will love being taken back to that moment and it sends a very clear message that you are interested in him sexually. Women aren’t the only ones that need to feel desired.
>Initiate intimacy with your husband and try asking him something like “give me everything you’ve got”.
>Spend time with him. Men don’t usually have a lot of close friends. They trust you and crave closeness with you. When he wants to spend time with you, put your work aside and be there with him.
You are not giving away power by serving. You are gaining power because in serving you become the most pleasing spouse that you can be. In his eyes you will be beautiful and feminine and he will find himself addicted to you.
Stay tuned for Power in Pleasing Part II. I will be talking about how husbands can please their wives.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It’s a 100/100 one. Each person must give 100% to this relationship in order for each person to feel loved, cherished and fulfilled. In my previous blogs regarding marriage, I have focused on what wives can do to love their husbands. Now, I’m focusing on men. Guys, this might be hard to read but if you are having trouble reading it, you might need it the most.
A wife can be doing everything right. She can be respecting, serving, attending to her husband’s sexual fulfillment and feel empty inside. Men, some of you are reaping massive benefits in your marriage relationship and you’re not investing in your wife. You have treated this woman like she is a maid in every area of your life, there to serve you. A woman has needs. Her emotional tank must be kept full. Many men only fill their wife’s tank, when it’s running on low. You know, when she finally blows and really unloads on you.
Here are some ideas on how you can give her a fill-up:
*Support her. Does she have to battle through the problems of life with little help or support from you? Don’t run when things get difficult. Get involved in ways that she finds helpful. Don’t offer her a simple fix. Usually, it is much more complicated.
*Do you look for practical ways to help her? Ask her how you can help and then do it right away.
*Do you dive in when you see something that you can do to keep her from having to do it later?
*She doesn’t want to be treated like your buddy.
*Do you spend more time on your hobby then you spend investing in your wife? Reverse that.
*Try to remember to help her in ways that she desires, not just what you think she should want.
These are just a few ways that will get you started. Use your largest sexual body part (your brain) and I bet you can think of other ways too.
Husbands and wives, remember love is patient, love is kind … it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
You’ve noticed that your husband seems troubled and you sweetly ask “what’s wrong” – he mumbles “nothing”. As women, we can jump to conclusions. One large jump from “nothing”, to oh no – he wants a divorce. Well, nothing may very well be translated into “I’m working it out in my mind and not ready to talk about it”.
Men don’t talk. Well, not much. To a man, talking can feel like a burden. A man works his problems out in his mind and then once solved, he has no need to talk about the problem. It is solved. If he does decide to share with you, don’t judge him, don’t tell him he “should”. Don’t be offended, if he makes jokes. Some men cope by joking about their problems.
On the other hand, women do talk. We talk a lot. We talk our problems out, exploring the tiniest of possibilities. When talking with your husband, don’t try to make him into your girlfriend by sharing massive amounts of details. Just give him the bottom line. If he needs or wants more information, he will ask. Also, try to control your tears. Many men feel manipulated by tears even if the tears are not meant to manipulate.
These communication differences are not a problem unless we refuse to accept the way our spouse communicates. I’m proposing that instead of fighting the differences between us, we work with them.
Males and females – even the way we cry is different.
If you had an opposite gender sibling, you have probably noticed this difference early in life and if you are married, you can see that these differences don’t really change as we get older. Scientists believe that biology plays a role. Testosterone may actually inhibit tears and prolactin levels which are higher in women, may promote tears. Women can cry buckets of tears while a man may only have moistened eyes when he cries. Also, tears may be therapeutic. Researchers have found that the tears shed while cutting an onion (non-emotional) had a different chemical composition than emotional tears. Emotional tears might just be cleansing. Studies also show that if the crier has support, they usually feel better after a good cry but if there is no support, the crier can feel angry. Crying definitely signals help needed. Just last week, I was sitting behind a stranger. I felt no need to get involved with this person until I saw that she might be crying.
For men, crying can be identified with weakness, devastation and tragedy. He sees you crying and he thinks the entire world must be falling apart. For women, crying can feel good. It can be as involuntary as breaking into a sweat. A women can go into a full on sob, because she feels tired or stressed.
Guys, next time you find your lady crying, try not to run. Try not to “solve” her problem. She probably is in need of a hug and assurance that you love her and will be there to hold her up.
If you read my last post, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed. Wives and mothers often feel overwhelmed by the demands that are made upon them. Husbands, children, aging parents, work, volunteer responsibilities and friends. This list goes on and on. In this post, I would like to point out that with a change of attitude, attending to your husband’s needs can be a fun part of your life.
Remember sexual fulfillment to most husbands is more about quality. Pursue him and let him know that you enjoy this aspect of your relationship. A great way to do this is to actually enjoy it. Generally speaking, women need to step out of the mindset that sex is another job and begin to view it as a fun activity. From time to time you may be an exhausted mom or maybe you’re a menopausal woman. Most husbands will understand these drains on your energy, if you have been taking his needs seriously all along. Often, women are not aware that a man enjoys variety and from time to time a wife can use a little creativity by satisfying her husband without using a lot of physical energy. It is important for women to understand that men need a regular release of pressure. This is not about his morality – it is biological.
If you find yourself always too exhausted, you may want to evaluate your load. You married this man and it isn’t fair to him or your marriage to put him at the bottom of your list. To put it simply, what is more important, having little Joanna involved in multiple activities or the strength and protection of your marriage.
The average healthy man has over thirty sexual thoughts a day. The average woman has one. That’s it, just one. For a guy, this equates to roughly one every half hour of his awake hours. Let’s take a closer look at what kind of challenges this presents for a man.
Obviously, as a wife you have noticed that your husband is aroused when you are standing on a stool putting something away or how about bent over loading the dishwasher. Have you ever been guilty of swatting him away or rolling your eyes at his advances?
Now we will look at what your husband faces every single day when he leaves your home. First, he tried to give you a squeeze and a kiss and you rushed him out the door because little Joanna was having a fit. He turns onto the highway and is beckoned by the airbrushed model on the billboard. He goes in for his daily treat and the young flirtatious barista is more than happy to serve him. He enters the workplace to find women who look and smell their best. The men at his workplace try to talk him into going to the new place for lunch. They’ve heard the waitresses are hot. Your husband declines and decides to go to a nice quiet place where he can read the paper. He opens the paper to find ads with attractive women who are not leaving much to the imagination. After a day, of saying no to temptation after temptation, your husband comes home to his wife who is too tired to even think about intimacy.
This is reality for men and wives can do a lot to make this struggle easier for their husband. First, understand that he is normal. His sexuality is driven by hormones not morality. You may not be available for intimacy at every opportunity that your husband would like but you can give him hope and promise that you will make yourself available. Even if you have to reject him at an inconvenient time, make sure he knows that you are all his at a later time. Never ever tease him. In other words follow through. Pursue him. This may be new to you but your husband will absolutely love it when you pursue him and let him know that you enjoy this part of your life together. Try to think about sex more. You probably won’t be able to meet him halfway but thinking about this part of your life more, will help make it a reality.
Can you imagine if your husband ridiculed you for something that is very important to you? You would be so hurt. Now, considering everything that I have said, imagine how a husband feels when his wife rejects him again and again. How a wife chooses to respond to her husband, will have a big impact on how he weathers the temptations that he faces every single day. Protect your marriage. Send him off into the big bad world with the promise of coming home to heaven.
Stay tuned for Part two of Meet Me Halfway.
Words can motivate and words can discourage. We will look at three innocent words, that when misused, can pack a powerfully negative punch.
Should. Men don’t like to be should-ed. You should do this. You should do that. You shouldn’t do this or that. To a man, this feels like being reprimanded by his mommy. Men are grown up boys and they don’t like being treated like boys.
Why. This word probably explains itself. It even sounds kind of whiny. Men don’t like to be questioned. This doesn’t mean that you should never question him. It just means that you must choose your words wisely. Use words that don’t communicate that you are questioning his wisdom or leadership. You might start by telling him that you are not trying to doubt him but that you just need to ask questions for your own understanding.
Could. The word could implies that the person is incapable of completing a task. Could you take out the trash? You might ask a young child in that way. How about using the word would instead? Would you take the trash out? This communicates that you are asking for help from a capable human being.
As someone once wrote “taste your words before you spit them out”.