Constructive Communication

You’ve noticed that your husband seems troubled and you sweetly ask “what’s wrong” – he mumbles “nothing”. As women, we can jump to conclusions. One large jump from “nothing”, to oh no – he wants a divorce. Well, nothing may very well be translated into “I’m working it out in my mind and not ready to talk about it”.

Men don’t talk. Well, not much. To a man, talking can feel like a burden. A man works his problems out in his mind and then once solved, he has no need to talk about the problem. It is solved. If he does decide to share with you, don’t judge him, don’t tell him he “should”. Don’t be offended, if he makes jokes. Some men cope by joking about their problems.

On the other hand, women do talk. We talk a lot. We talk our problems out, exploring the tiniest of possibilities. When talking with your husband, don’t try to make him into your girlfriend by sharing massive amounts of details. Just give him the bottom line. If he needs or wants more information, he will ask. Also, try to control your tears. Many men feel manipulated by tears even if the tears are not meant to manipulate.

These communication differences are not a problem unless we refuse to accept the way our spouse communicates. I’m proposing that instead of fighting the differences between us, we work with them.

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