Last night, my husband found my journal notes and read out loud “your husband is a little boy in a big boy body”. He looked at me with a pouty face and as he stomped away, he turned back to say “I’m not like a little boy”. He wasn’t offended or hurt. He seemed almost proud that I had stumbled onto his secret. For this post, I would like to share three scenarios that have actually occurred recently in our home. God has taught me so much about respecting who my husband is. He is not perfect and neither am I but I believe that God uses the marriage relationship to teach us all about extending grace and mercy to each other as well as to others.
For over thirty years, I have made our bed every day and in a moment of menopausal insanity, I was complaining about it. The very next day I went to make the bed and yep, you guessed it, it was already made. I stood there and stared at it in shock. Then it got ugly, not the bed, my thoughts were ugly. I began to mentally pick apart every detail of my husband’s bed making skills. Thankfully, God got a hold of me in that moment and shifted me to see the blessing. The bed was not made in the way that I would make it but it was made and I didn’t have to do it. I thanked my husband for giving me a break and making the bed.
I went to wash my face and noticed that my husband had trimmed his beard and left little whiskers everywhere. This has happened many times over the years. I used to think that he just left the mess for me to clean up even though he has always said that he thought he cleaned it up. This time I decided that I would just believe that he did the best job that he could do. This time, it didn’t nag me at all. I just cleaned it up and let it go.
My husband doesn’t really enjoy shopping for gifts. I am a very practical woman and I don’t really enjoy receiving gifts that I don’t absolutely love or need. So, we have a deal. I usually pick out my own gifts and he wraps them. We were recently celebrating a special day and like usual I had purchased my own gift and gave it to him to wrap. I noticed a gift wrapped box on my desk one day. By my gift wrapping standards, it was a little plain but then I took notice. He had chosen the most beautiful flowered paper and took a Sharpie and had written the initial of my first name in the most uncharacteristically artistic way. I almost let the lack of a beautiful bow ruin my blessing and then I realized the effort was truly beautiful.
These three different scenarios have things in common: my critical eye, my husband’s intent to please me and the reality that women can make a choice to see our husband’s intent and be blessed by the effort that he made. If you have a son, you have realized that boys seek to please their moms. A mom should never be critical of her son just because he didn’t do a task perfectly. A wife would benefit by realizing that her husband is a grown up little boy who just wants to please her more than anything.