Are you a woman who wonders why other women in your life seem to be naturally bent toward tearing other women down? This question has plagued me for years. Why do we sisters do this to each other? I have been the victim of this phenomenon too many times and I’m sure that I have also been the perpetrator.
This unhealthy critical eye all stems out of a tendency to compare ourselves to other women. When a man compares himself to another man, usually he is inspired by the man. He looks up to him and wants to become more like him. When a woman compares herself to another woman she quickly finds details to begin picking apart. If a woman appears that she has it all together, other women begin looking for the chink in her armor. The chink is there – none of us are perfect and if you look hard enough, you will find her flaws. Maybe even a few flaws can be manufactured to make you feel better. Ever heard “tear others down to build yourself up”?
I believe that if women would get their identity from the correct source, God, they wouldn’t so easily go down the path of being critical and jealous of other women. They would be more likely to celebrate the other woman’s successes and victories. They would be inspired to be the best that they could be instead of wasting time and energy mentally and verbally destroying another woman. By the way, as a woman who has been the victim of attempted mental and verbal annihilation, your crime is not secret. The victim becomes aware that it is happening and it is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a woman, especially in the church.
Some of the ways that women do this covert warfare include:
>Tell our husbands all of her “faults”. By the way, men hate this.
>Roll our eyes or make a face when her name is brought up.
>Make little comments in front of others that peak their curiosity.
>Outright gossip. This can be truths or lies.
>Don’t even allow yourself to get to know her because you have already made up your mind about her.
>Treat her differently than you treat other women just because you don’t like her.
>Judge her character based on her appearance or carriage.
Other women can be our best allies and supporters. After all, we know how difficult it is to be a woman, don’t we? How about every time that your mind begins looking for another woman’s faults, instead you mentally celebrate her strengths? If you routinely train yourself to do this, eventually it will become a positive habit in your life. Guess what? Others will admire you for this habit and you may even inspire another woman to emulate you.
Go and be a balcony woman. Support her and shout from your balcony about how wonderful that other woman is.