When my husband and I first began living together as young marrieds, I spent a lot of energy on making our home pretty. I even tied little bows around the “pretty” towels in the guest bathroom. This young man, who was learning the ropes, untied the bow one day and used the towel. I was appalled. He was confused. One of the biggest fights of our entire marriage came out of this event. It was the beginning of this new dance.
The dance has a great rhythm and flow as long as each partner stays in their own space and respects the other dancer. I will admit that in 30 plus years of marriage, we have stepped on each other’s toes quite a few times. There was the time that I hid his nasal spray. I was helping him. He was addicted to that stuff. That night, I was awakened by a very scary Incredible Hulk-like being. I quickly gave him his nasal spray and he shrunk back down to his proper size. I decided that I had better not be so “helpful”. Just in case you are curious, he kicked his own nasal spray habit, without my help.
Then there was also the problem of how my new husband could not understand why I would stay up at night, dealing with the matching issues of the comforter and curtains or why it was so difficult to match my shoes to my belt to my purse. Clearly he did not understand how critical these issues were.
I laugh about these memories now, but all of those years ago, these occurrences seemed overwhelming to both of us. We hung in there with each other and so much has changed for the better. I have learned to “just calm down”. I no longer need bows on the towels or extra pretty pillows on the bed. It’s all about comfort and convenience now and the way that I catch him looking at me and then he winks.