Many husbands and wives are the walking dead. They are just going through the motions of life – just surviving in their marriages. They are not truly happy and they are very malnourished in their marital relationship.
When you first met your spouse, you were on a mission to win them over. You were a nurturing dynamo. You succeeded at showing them that you were the very best choice. That’s it – they chose you – you, over all others. Vows are exchanged and you are on this journey together – pure bliss. There is mutual satisfaction in almost every area of the marriage relationship. But slowly things begin to change. Children, careers, aging parents and household responsibilities begin to drain energy from both individuals. The first aspect of marriage that begins to suffer is usually sexual intimacy. This is vitally important because this intimacy is the glue that holds these two people together. Over time, she shifts her energies from him to the children or perhaps her career. He feels ignored and begins to go into survival mode and becomes entranced by career and hobbies or worse. They are both running on empty. Suddenly, attractive tank filling wonder person enters the picture. This person is caring, thoughtful and interesting. They’re usually not a predator. Most likely they are just a genuinely nice person but because you left your spouse vulnerable with an empty tank, they really notice this person. This scenario can now go in a few different directions. An affair can occur or one spouse can leave looking for fulfillment because they now see with clarity that their marriage is void of what it first offered. The best option of course is to get help and get to work on your marriage.
Talk to your spouse and in a non-accusing way, communicate to them that you value them and your marriage but that you both need help. Get help from a trusted biblical counselor or seek out a mentor couple that can help while the two of you journey back to marital health. I once heard it said that if you will stay in a bad marriage and work on it, in five years you won’t recognize your marriage. Some of you may have to do the work alone. It is very hard but I encourage you to try. Do the right thing consistently and see what God will do with your spouse. You may witness a miracle.
If any of this seems familiar to you, I would like to encourage you to get back to the business of nurturing your spouse. Romance them in the way that you did when you were dating. There is a direct correlation between husbands serving their wives which can relieve her of some energy drains. Wives should then use that recovered energy to serve your husband especially sexually. Also, remember that children will grow and move away, parents will pass away and careers turn to retirement. Where will you be as a couple?
I hope that you will stay in and fight for your marriage. The rewards of a healthy marriage are worth all of the work that you put into it.