Who Left the Lights On?

In marriage, there can be wide disparities between what each spouse thinks and feels about many topics. One of the biggest areas where we differ in our point of view is a wife’s body image.

A woman looks in the mirror and sees stretch marks, rolls of flesh, cellulite, the effects of gravity and varicose veins. She sees her flaws. Her husband catches a glimpse of her nudity and he sees a beautiful creation. In a nutshell, he sees a body that is so different from his that it amazes him. He feels exhilarated by it. So what does your husband think when he sees you in your flesh and glory? He sees the lines of a graceful neck leading to feminine shoulders, fleshly curves, silky soft skin and the delicate curve of your back. He is in awe of the feminine specimen before his eyes. You are a feast for him. He is not blind – of course he notices your flaws but they are not what he focuses on.

Every man faces a bombardment of temptations every single day. There are female bodies wherever he looks including billboards and magazines. If he is a man that is committed to protecting his purity, he has probably learned how to look away. A wife would be wise to understand that for a man, looking away or bouncing their eyes, as some call it, is a great challenge and a wife can do a lot to make this easier for her husband. When a husband can enjoy his naked wife, he receives a booster shot to go back into the world and face the barrage again. She fills the gap for him. If a woman fears her husband seeing her nude, it is either because she has a poor body image or she assumes that her husband will want to pounce on her. This is not always the case. Many times, a husband just wants to enjoy the view or even just cuddle.

I think that I have adequately established that men are visually stimulated by the artful creation of the female form but let’s take this into the bedroom. When a wife requires that the room be darkened in order for sex to occur, she has cut off a major source of her husband’s pleasure – his sight. Yes, he can still feel the pleasure but essentially he is now working with much less stimuli. He wants to watch you move as you experience pleasure together. He wants to see the curves of your body. All of this adds to his experience and makes him a fulfilled man. If the thought of a fully lighted room or daylight is too much for you, try dimming the lights, candlelight or even a roaring fire.

Does a woman’s body change as she ages? Of course but so does his. Most of us could improve our appearance with proper nutrition and physical activity but learn to love your body as it is today and love that he loves your body. Your husband will be revved up by your confidence. A confident woman is a huge turn on. When you love the body that you have today, you can let go and enjoy intimacy with your husband.


Word Hijack

One of my pet-peeves is when words get hijacked. What do I mean by hijacked? I’m referring to when the true meaning of the word gets changed and used differently than its original intent. Gay used to mean happy for example. Tolerance used to mean a willingness to accept, not a forcing to accept.

The words that I write about today are curves – curvy – curvaceous. These words used to refer to a female hourglass shape of normal healthy weight. Think Marilyn Monroe. Now, the media is selling curves differently. Television show hosts are telling overweight women to “embrace your curves honey”. If you have curves – yes – embrace them but if a woman is overweight and unhealthy she should be encouraged to get to a healthy weight. We should never lie to her and encourage her to lie to herself.

There is another side to this dilemma. Many women work hard and make great sacrifices to maintain a strong healthy body. Their curves are real. Their curves are strong bones with muscle and a normal amount of female fat. They have earned it and they deserve to be called curvy and curvaceous. They live a life of self-discipline making physical fitness and healthy eating a part of every day.

I’m not a skinny girl gettin’ all snippy. I am a woman who gained a lot of weight during pregnancies and then worked really hard to lose it during perimenopause which is one of the hardest times in a woman’s life to lose weight and maintain the loss. I am not skinny but I am at my own healthy weight. I have to make exercise and eating correctly a priority. If not, I will gain it all back and then some.

I am asking that women be truthful with themselves. Are your curves real or are you at an unhealthy weight? If you are unhealthy, you can do something about it. You can do it! It starts with admitting the truth and then start making good choices with food, drink and physical fitness. Will you be required to sacrifice? You bet you will and if you make a mistake, get right back to it. It is never too late to get healthier.

Unprincipled Pacification

Men, have you ever pacified your wife by telling her what she wanted to hear, even if was a lie? Have you ever torn another woman down, just to make your wife feel better?

Woman struggle with many things but two significant issues that almost every woman struggles with are jealousy and comparing themselves to other women. Sometimes she will express this jealousy to her husband by criticizing another woman. Husbands usually pick up on this jealousy and sense a threat to their peaceful existence. In order to prevent a wifey melt down, a husband might chime in with a few criticisms or comparisons of his own to make his wife feel superior to the other woman. Does any of this sound familiar?

“Honey, of course she is so organized, she only has two children”
“You’re way prettier and sexier than her”
“She’s too skinny”
“She’s not really a very good cook”

You get the idea. On the surface, this appears to be a sweet deed for a husband to perform. He is building his wife up and making her feel better about herself. If you dig a little deeper, you will see that this is very harmful. I firmly believe that if a husband doesn’t hold his wife accountable for jealousy and comparing herself to other women, that he is not leading her in this area. The accountability doesn’t need to be mean spirited. A husband can simply remind his wife that she has many strengths of her own. He might even need to list the strengths and remind his wife that it hurts her when she becomes jealous or compares herself to another. If he takes the easy way out, this pacification perpetuates the harmful behavior.

Does this pacification ever affect the other woman? After all, she will never find out. Let me tell you that the other woman finds out too often. When women are jealous of another woman, they can be deliberately hurtful. Sometimes they talk about her and sometimes they just raise an eyebrow when her name comes up. It doesn’t take much effort to destroy another woman’s reputation and there are women that would like to help. Do you really want to be a participant in this kind of behavior? When you tear down another woman in order to build your wife up, you are an indirect participant in this behavior.

Build your wife up by praising her unique beauty, talents and gifts and when she struggles, be honest with her. You can remind her of her own strengths without tearing another innocent woman down.

I Love You But I Just Don’t Get You

If you’ve been married for over a few months, you have been noticing that your spouse can be an annoying and irritating person and I’m sure that you are not annoying and irritating at all. Spouses are different from each other. Some of those differences are probably what attracted us to each other in the beginning. If we can remember why we married this person, we can extend grace more easily and even begin to appreciate their little quirks. Once you have begun to see that these idiosyncrasies don’t make the person off their rocker, you can have fun and laugh about the differences.

I don’t live in your home – aren’t you glad? Something tells me that your home isn’t all that different from mine. The following list is a compilation of a just few things that I have noticed that are different between husbands and wives.

>She spends more time and effort planning the beautiful table decorations than planning the menu. He’s like “what’s the point – what kind of meat are we having?”
>She drives leisurely and it drives him crazy. Driving is a competitive sport to a man. He can’t have another car in front of him!
>She has pretty towels tied with a bow or folded elaborately in origamic architecture. These are not to be used. He thinks that towels are for drying his hands. This makes no sense.
>She wants to see a nice romantic comedy and he wants to watch The Three Stooges or a bloodbath movie again.
>She always needs more clothes, purses and shoes.
>He always needs more electronics, guns and power tools.
>She stocks up on groceries.
>He stocks up on motorcycles, boats and campers.

So when my husband is launching his underwear with a back-footed toss onto the whirling ceiling fan, I guess I should join in his laughter instead of rolling my eyes, although, when I rolled my eyes, I think he was pretty darn proud of himself. My point is, if we married someone who was the same as us, life would be boring, wouldn’t it?

Youthfulness at Any Age

Have you ever wondered why some women seem to capture attention when they enter a room? It has less to do with their physical appearance than what you might think.

We all know her – that woman who walks into the room and people become instantly aware of her presence. She is hated by some women and loved by most men. Some women who notice her will look for the chinks in her armor. Men notice her and think she rocks. She isn’t necessarily supermodel caliber but there is just something about her. So what is it?

What this woman possesses and releases into the room is the magic of feminine loveliness. She is confident. This doesn’t mean that she thinks that she is perfect or better than others – quite the opposite. She is aware of her imperfections but she chooses to view them in a positive light. This kind of confidence comes from accepting yourself. She is happy with her appearance and her personality, quirks and all. The confidence that she feels allows her to reach out to others and freely give herself without expecting anything in return. She gives instead of curling up inside of herself licking all of her insecurities.

It is simple. Every woman can do this. She smiles. She looks others in the eye. She talks to the unlovely. She listens with care. She isn’t part of cliques. She is lively and fun. Her attitude and demeanor demonstrates youthfulness. She may not be youthful chronologically, but she exudes youthfulness and youthfulness is like a magnet.

If you are a woman who finds yourself jealous of this woman, try to realize that she is not your enemy and perhaps you would be better served to examine your own attitudes. I have personally witnessed women who are uptight, fussy and stuffy in their demeanor and unfortunately their very own husbands are looking around, noticing other women and sometimes taking it a step further. Men are attracted to youthfulness and if your attitudes are prudish, you might be pushing your husband away.

The good news is that a woman does not have to be a ravishing beauty to be a beautiful and captivating woman. Beauty is so much more than physical appearance. A beautiful woman will make others feel better after they have had interaction with her. A beautiful woman breathes oxygen into a room rather than sucking the life out of the room.

Communicating Love

Apparently, we all have a language of love – the way that we give and receive or interpret love. Often we don’t feel loved because we are not recognizing the love language that is being spoken to us. I bet that we would feel loved more often if we learned to understand that other people are giving us love by using their language of love. What are some ways that we can give or receive love?

>Light up your smile.
>Make eye contact when someone is speaking to you.
>Turn your body toward someone who is speaking to you.
>Give a genuine complement or word of encouragement.
>Write a note or letter letting someone know that you are thinking of them.
>Take the time to send a card to someone who is having a big moment in their life.
>Pay attention to moods and let someone know that you are concerned when they don’t seem themselves.
>Leave a note where they will find it when they are away from you.
>Notice when others are kind and tell them.
>Send an email with just one important word.
>Send an emoticon.
>Send a text or private message to encourage someone.
>Let people know that you have been thinking of them.
>Ask a friend who is hurting, whether or not they would like you to be with them.
>Give someone your undivided attention. Put the device down.
>Remember their special day.
>Pay attention to likes and surprise them with a little gift.
>Remind them of a special memory that you share together.
>Keep your schedule free enough that you can give others your time.
>Give a hug or a pat on the arm.

Communicating love is saying that you value someone – that they are endeared to your heart. Many people are lonely and discouraged. Your little gesture of love could be the one bright spot in someone’s day. The difference between them falling asleep crying or smiling.

Hopefulness Does Chores

Most women believe that men are pretty bold when it comes to pursuing sex. Did you know that guys can be scared and intimated – afraid of rejection?

Let me tell you a little story – ‘bout a man named …

Your husband is programmed by his Creator to think about and desire sex with his wife. Your husband asked for your hand in marriage thinking that sex was going to be a major part of this marriage. In the beginning, it may have been but since adult life and children have entered the picture, and because of energy drains and lack of interest you began to turn him down. He begins to feel rejected and after repeatedly being turned down by his one source of God ordained sexual release, he feels a little unsure of himself. He begins to test the waters, maybe even performing extra chores to be helpful to you. After all, if you are less tired at the end of the day, you’ll be more likely to be available to him, right? He continually watches you and hangs around trying to determine whether or not now is the time to ask. Poor guy. How can a wife rectify this sad situation?

One word – pursue. Pursue your husband sexually. Guys hate rejection and this is one surefire way to eliminate the possibility of rejection. Accept your husband’s sexuality. If he is desirous of you, it is a blessing. Many men pour their sexual energies into pornography, extra marital affairs or other deviant sexual practices. Again, if he is remaining pure to your marriage bed, be thankful and give him what he needs. By the way, this is a need for a man. It is a biological need. God created him this way. Don’t swat him away or roll your eyes at him when he wants affection. He will feel as though he is stealing something from you and he will be dejected. A dejected man eventually becomes an angry man.

Now, let’s go a little further down the road. Did you know that your husband would like to explore with you sexually? God has given a lot of freedom within the marriage bed. Don’t be afraid to open up this discussion with your husband. He may never ask you for anything else but I guarantee that he has thought of things that he would like to try. A spouse should never be forced to try something. A real man would never force his woman. If you have an aversion to his request, simple let him know and make a suggestion that you are comfortable with. Never share your marriage bed with an additional person, real or imagined.

Most men will never turn down sex, even if it is in the missionary position every time and with the lights off but there are a few variations that a wife can make and she will have a husband who feels amazed that this woman would be his wife. Pursue him and go on an adventure with him and your husband will smile and say, it just keeps getting better and better.

The Snare of Manipulation

Have you ever thought of yourself as setting a trapping snare for the men in your life? Probably not but every time you misuse your femininity to manipulate men, that is exactly what you are doing. You may get what you want in the short-term but he will despise you for it. Let’s look at some of the most common ways that a woman manipulates a man.

Comparison. For example, have you ever told him that your friend’s husband buys flowers or sends her for a massage? It is fine for you to let your man know that you love flowers or would love to be pampered or go out to dinner with him but leave the rest up to him. Try your best to not judge his love for you by whether or not he does these things. Maybe you know a man that has a quality or characteristics that you admire but your man does not possess this trait – don’t throw this “in his face”. Every man is different. Your man has great qualities that this other man doesn’t have.

Sex. Where do I start? Women can use the prospect of sex or the absence of sex to manipulate men. If a woman leads with sex in her actions, demeanor or showing a lot of skin, she is giving a man the hope of sex with her. This is a trap for both the man and the woman. If she makes herself available for sex outside of marriage, chances are that he will use her for the pleasure but despise her and eventually reject her. A woman can also use the absence of sex to manipulate. If she is angry or hurt, she might withhold sex from her husband. For a woman, the libido is controlled by her emotional state but withholding sex to punish is a mistake. It would be better if you calmly explained to your husband that you are hurt or angry and that sex will have to wait until you have worked through it these feelings.

Guilt. A woman might make a man choose between her and another person or an activity that he enjoys. She might communicate to him that he must prove his love for her by performing deeds or choosing her. There are times that a man might be spending too much time on his activities or with friends. If this is the case, calmly explain that you and or the kids love his company but do so without using guilt.

To summarize, there are two weapons that a women uses – words and sex. These two weapons are all that is necessary for a woman to successfully tap dance on a man’s mind. We have an arsenal of words and our bodies and faces can leave them defenseless. I ask you – is this really how you want to treat this wonderful creation that God has given to us for our blessing and protection?

Men hate being used as a game piece by a woman. They feel trapped and suffocated – ensnared. Usually, manipulation is an attempt to control another human being and get things done our way and for our benefit but healthy relationships are about coming up with solutions that benefit everyone involved. Give the men in your life a break. Calmly and in a strait forward manner tell them what you need or want from them. If they are able, they will be more than happy to please you.

Job Opening!

Due to a recent explosion, there is a sudden opening in our home office. We are looking to fill this position immediately since the vacancy has created operational challenges. In order to be considered, the applicant must be an expert in the following areas: operational efficiency, human resources, chef, janitorial, maintenance, personal shopping, counseling, financial managing, grocery stocking, medical triage, veterinarian medicine, pediatric medicine, transportation management & clothing management.

You will also need to be encouraging, patient, kind, selfless and attractive. The ability to work with a low fuel tank and sleep deprivation is a plus.

Successful candidate will report directly to the CEO and must be willing to perform personal services at his discretion.

Remuneration and benefits package are as follows: Zero, zilch pay, no vacation and no sick days.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all of her life. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “there are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all”.