Men, have you ever pacified your wife by telling her what she wanted to hear, even if was a lie? Have you ever torn another woman down, just to make your wife feel better?
Woman struggle with many things but two significant issues that almost every woman struggles with are jealousy and comparing themselves to other women. Sometimes she will express this jealousy to her husband by criticizing another woman. Husbands usually pick up on this jealousy and sense a threat to their peaceful existence. In order to prevent a wifey melt down, a husband might chime in with a few criticisms or comparisons of his own to make his wife feel superior to the other woman. Does any of this sound familiar?
“Honey, of course she is so organized, she only has two children”
“You’re way prettier and sexier than her”
“She’s too skinny”
“She’s not really a very good cook”
You get the idea. On the surface, this appears to be a sweet deed for a husband to perform. He is building his wife up and making her feel better about herself. If you dig a little deeper, you will see that this is very harmful. I firmly believe that if a husband doesn’t hold his wife accountable for jealousy and comparing herself to other women, that he is not leading her in this area. The accountability doesn’t need to be mean spirited. A husband can simply remind his wife that she has many strengths of her own. He might even need to list the strengths and remind his wife that it hurts her when she becomes jealous or compares herself to another. If he takes the easy way out, this pacification perpetuates the harmful behavior.
Does this pacification ever affect the other woman? After all, she will never find out. Let me tell you that the other woman finds out too often. When women are jealous of another woman, they can be deliberately hurtful. Sometimes they talk about her and sometimes they just raise an eyebrow when her name comes up. It doesn’t take much effort to destroy another woman’s reputation and there are women that would like to help. Do you really want to be a participant in this kind of behavior? When you tear down another woman in order to build your wife up, you are an indirect participant in this behavior.
Build your wife up by praising her unique beauty, talents and gifts and when she struggles, be honest with her. You can remind her of her own strengths without tearing another innocent woman down.