Let’s Talk About S-E-X

They see you in your most vulnerable state.  Your spouse sees you in the morning when you have bed head and morning breath.  They comfort you when you are vomiting into the porcelain throne.  You are most likely together during childbirth.  Your spouse sees you get dressed and undressed and freshly clean just out of the shower.  You talk about gross infant facts and toddler messes.  After all, you said vows “for better or for worse” right?  So why then do most couples find it difficult to talk about the most important aspect of their marriage?  Why is talk about great sex or even dysfunctional sex such an awkward topic of discussion for many couples?


When I was a young married woman, I found it very difficult to talk about sex.  He was my one and only and I grew up in a household where we didn’t discuss that topic.  Thankfully, over the many years of marriage and all of the ups and downs, I have found it easier and easier.  You want to know something?  Your husband probably likes to talk about it.  For your husband, it is on his mind almost always and if you want to get him to talk, there is no better subject matter.  Surprise him and begin talking about sex.  Begin where you are comfortable but don’t stay there – get out of your comfort zone.  If you find that starting with verbal communication is too difficult for you, try writing a note.  Tell him what you want to do.  My husband and I now make it a game – conversation that we can quietly get in while the children are out of earshot.


Learn to talk about this with your spouse in and outside of the bedroom.    Give your spouse a verbal high-five – positive feedback is great. If you are having difficulties in the area of sexual intimacy, talk about those problems and work together to find solutions.  It’s a lie of the enemy that sex gets hum drum by staying with the same person for life.  Sex with your spouse can get better as the years wear on and the key to this is open communication.

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