The following scenario entitled Thirty Second Slice of Heaven was submitted by a reader. It shines a light onto a difficulty that can exist in marriage – sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction can manifest itself in many different forms and it has the potential to dissolve the glue that binds husband and wife therefore stealing the joy and closeness that should exist in marriage. Since Madeline Eatenton’s mission is to strengthen marriages, let’s talk about it.
Your boss called and woke you up from a dead sleep. A work emergency! You have to get up two hours early and get started on an urgent deadline. It’s going to be a long day. In fact, you will have to work straight through lunch. You could use a cup of coffee, and you cringe when offered a cup by a co-worker. You have a hang-up about using artificial stimulants, which stems from something that you were told when you were young. No matter how much you desire to enjoy coffee, you just aren’t comfortable doing it. So, you swallow hard and decline. Five o’clock comes and goes, and you are still working hard to meet that deadline. Finally, at eight o’clock you press the send button. Your boss smiles and pats you on the back. “Job well done – you deserve a reward!” Your head aches from your low blood sugar and you are weary to the point that your bones ache too. You have just enough time to stop at the local pizza joint for a well-earned and highly desired treat. You order your pizza and sit at the table, waiting for that precious treat. You can smell it, causing your mind to spin with desire. You sip your lemon water, anticipation lifting you to a much better mood. The pizza comes out of the oven and is sliced. The waiter then shows you the pie, and removes a solitary pepperoni, places it on your plate and smiles warmly, “bon appetit.” You eat your single slice of pepperoni and silently begin to crumble. This is all you get. The whole pizza is staring at you from a sizzling hot pan, but all you get is enough to whet your appetite for more. Talk about disappointment. So, let’s cut to the chase. You’re a man who has a 30 second fuse when it comes to making love to your wife. You are super attracted to her but you can only last 30 seconds before you arrive. Your wife is hungry. Moreover, she is disappointed, disillusioned, and dejected. What should a man like this do?
This story describes the most common sexual dysfunction that men deal with but there are others and woman deal with their own areas of dysfunction too. Sexuality can be affected by our emotional, physical and spiritual health. Depression, trauma, hormonal imbalances, medications or guilt can kill the libido. Dysfunction in other areas of the marital relationship can prevent a spouse from desiring intimacy. Maybe as a woman, you have never enjoyed sex because you haven’t discovered what feels good to you. There is hope.
Open up the lines of communication between the two of you and talk about what is happening or not happening. The two of you may be able to solve the problem together or you may need to consult with a professional. Either way, your marriage is worth any embarrassment that you may feel. Start by getting this out in the open between the two of you and search for answers. There are many books and articles written and there are trained professionals available. Speak to your physician – they are trained and if they don’t have the answers, seek a physician that can direct you to the help that you need.
God designed us to enjoy our sexuality within the confines of a faithful marriage between one man and one woman. If you are not enjoying this aspect of your marriage, I’m telling you that you can. Don’t avoid the issue – it probably will not go away on its own and don’t avoid sex together as an attempt to avoid failure. As a couple, you can work together with the goal being a mutual satisfying sex life. There is hope – together you can find the solutions. When this aspect of your marriage is whole, all other aspects will be so much better.