Playing All Your Hearts

Rare and generous, they are created with a unique capacity to love.  They give of themselves liberally and expect very little in return.  This is the bright side, but what about the dark side?  Too often, these large-hearted souls attract a person that is unable to return love due to their own circumstances, personality, emotional problems, mental illness or addictions.  Worse yet, sometimes their love is met with critical, rude or malicious behavior.

 

It would feel better to be like most others – able to let it roll off and move on but usually the person who loves deeply does not do this with ease.  They put great effort into relationships and when there is failure, their emotional wound can be deep.  If they are the type that is willing to examine themselves, they will probably blame themselves for the failure.  If this is you, you may long to be like others but God created you with this capacity to love and yes, there will be times that you will get hurt.  The question isn’t “how can I avoid getting hurt” or “how do I make the hurt go away quickly?”.  The real question is “what will I learn from the experience?”.  The greater the investment, the greater the gain and in every failure, there is always a gain.  Learn to look for this and be thankful for it.  What you gain isn’t always from good.  Sometimes, it is a lesson learned from a negative experience.

 

If you are that person who is putting all of your cards on the table, and they are all hearts, it is crucial that you are learning from the good and bad that comes out of your relationships.  People with a great capacity to love, will often take two or three steps forward, while the other person involved takes fewer steps, or even none at all.  Every healthy relationship is like a waltz.  Even though the gait and physicality of each person is different, there is a rhythm and mutual movement to make the dance beautiful and mutually satisfying.  A waltz wouldn’t work if only one person wants to dance or performs all of the movements?  What should we learn from this?

 

First, remember that trust in a relationship must be earned and trusting too soon, will eventually lead to difficulties.  Second, in order for a relationship to withstand the test of time, each person should, in their own way, be giving to it.  Reciprocation doesn’t have to be exactly in the same fashion or equal amounts but there should be energy poured into the relationship from each side.  Third, invest appropriately – don’t take three steps forward when the other person isn’t also taking steps forward.  Finally, in a situation where only one person gives, you have a ministry – consider whether or not this is acceptable to you.

 

Whatever the reasons, when a relationship is unfulfilling, it can cause heartbreak to the person who has loved and poured into it.  Your investment isn’t wasted.  Even if the other person didn’t appreciate you, they probably benefited from knowing you and with the insight that you have gained, go out and love again but this time, know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em.

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He’s Not a Fan of That Game

What does every male have that he loves very much?  Two things come to mind immediately, but we’re not going to discuss the one that just made you chuckle.  Today, we’re talking about the females in man’s life – a mother, sister, grandmother, friend, girlfriend, daughter or wife.

 

Just tell me what you want.  What did I do wrong?  I’m so eager to please you.  These are the pleas of a son, brother, grandson, male friend, boyfriend, father and husband.  The men in your life, would like you to know, a woman can relieve a load of pressure from her relationships with men, if she would communicate her hurts, complaints and desires.  When a woman becomes silent, responds with a curt answer or withholds kindness or intimacy, he interprets this as a manipulative game play and he’s not a fan of that game.

 

How can a woman avoid this behavior?

 

>If he has hurt, upset or disappointed you, tell him.  Calmly.  Don’t make him wonder, beg or plead.  The tension is a relationship killer.  If you are too hurt or angry to behave respectfully or warmly, let him know that you will talk about it when you’re calm and then make sure that you do.  Don’t let it build and don’t withhold kindness in the meantime.

 

>Don’t ignore a man and then suddenly use sweetness or flirtation to get what you want.  If it is appropriate for you to flirt with this man, flirt but not because you want something from him.

 

>If you ask a man for input on decisions, then listen to his point of view.  Don’t bother asking if you’re not going to consider his ideas, feelings, tastes or dislikes.

 

>If he asks you where you would like to go out to eat or what you would like to do, don’t respond with “I don’t care – you decide”.  Usually, men don’t want to make this decision on their own.  If you have nothing in mind, ask him to offer a few choices and then pick one.  He wants you to enjoy yourself.

 

>Do you want or need something from him?  Make your request be known.  Don’t make him guess and then get upset when he doesn’t “read your mind” correctly.  Does it need to be done immediately?  Let him know why.

 

>Don’t use social media to display passive aggressive or other negative behaviors.  Your snarky remark isn’t gaining you points.  In fact, it hurts him and he loses respect for you.

 

>If this man is your husband, do not withhold sex as a punishment.  Clearly, intimacy is emotional for a woman, so work out your differences as quickly as possible and then return to a great relationship.

 

Respectful communication is crucial.  Learn how to communicate your hurt, requests and expectations calmly.  The golden rule can be applied here, so speak in the same manner that you would like to be spoken to.  You’ll likely get what you want and need and he won’t be walking on thin ice out in the freezing cold.  Everyone is a winner.

Not Your Typical Valentine’s Day Post

Is it really February 14th already?  You didn’t remember to buy a card for your husband?  No worries – you’ve got everything that you need, to give him the best Valentine’s Day present ever.

 

 

He probably doesn’t really want another greeting card from you and although he loves chocolate, there’s something that he loves even more – sexual enticement from his wife, leading to mind blowing sex with her.  No matter how long you’ve been married, you can climb onto his lap, look him in the eye as you confidently unbuckle his belt, and let him know that there is only one thing on your mind.  If it’s physically impossible for you to do this, I’m sure that you can use your feminine imagination and come up with something just as fun.

 

 

Here are some ideas for the perfect time with your Valentine and by the way, he wants to be your Valentine every single day – not just one day a year.

 

 

>Look him in the eyes and say something a little naughty.

 

>Let him undress you.

 

>When the kids are out of sight and he’s sitting down relaxing, climb onto his lap and make out.

 

>Let him enjoy the view as you walk up the stairs in front of him.

 

>When you’re sitting next to him or even across the room, make sure that he can catch a glimpse of something – your shapely leg, pretty feet in sexy shoes or a little lace.

 

>Pay attention and take note of what seems to turn him on.   It might be as simple as letting him watch you lick honey off of a spoon.  Have fun teasing him a little with it.

 

 

Enticement with the promise of the real thing is like energizing juice and within the confines and commitment of marriage, it is a beautiful blessing.  Wouldn’t you love to hear “wow, sex just keeps getting better and better with you”?

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Last night, I was sitting up in bed and writing on my laptop, when my husband came in and walked over to his nightstand, picked up the framed photo of me and gave that picture a kiss.  It made me smile and he said “you do know that if you die, I will kiss this picture every single night?”.  This might seem morbid to you, but to us it’s normal conversation.  My reply might surprise you as well.  I told him “assuming that you would remarry, I don’t think that your new wife would appreciate that very much” to which he replied “I’m sure that she would be fine with it, as well as all of the times that I would tell her – that’s not how Madeline would have done it or that’s not what Madeline would say”.  As I listened to him fall asleep, I laid there thinking and asking questions.  Why is remarriage such a taboo subject?  God, if you release us from the bonds of marriage upon death, why do we have such a difficult time with the thought of becoming one with another special human being or accepting that our spouse will want companionship again?

 

A spouse, especially a man that has been separated by death from his wife, will likely want to remarry.  He may feel lonely and guilty at the same time.  He may feel ready to live life again with a new companion, but struggle with feelings that he is betraying his wife.  Family and friends might even judge him for moving on too soon with another woman.   Why do some men remarry so soon after becoming widowed?  What if he knew the woman while he was still married?  What if he is aware that his wife didn’t like this woman?  What if his children, family and friends don’t approve of her?  It gets complicated, doesn’t it?  All of this can send adult children into a tailspin and often those that don’t have a say-so in the matter, will force their opinions upon him.  I believe that it all comes back to creation.  Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”  A helper suitable for him.  God will provide a suitable helper because God says that it is not good for him to be alone.  God also has said that death releases us from the bonds of marriage.   Clearly, it is not up to others to judge a widower for who he chooses to remarry or when he chooses to pursue her, once he has been released by God from the bonds of his marriage.

 

My father-in-law was widowed in his late 80’s, and within two months he was involved with another woman.  He actually knew her while his wife was alive and he was probably aware that she was a good woman.  When he announced that he would remarry, some of his children found it difficult to accept.  He was always a faithful husband and father.  He was at his wife’s bedside when she died.  He did nothing wrong.  He just didn’t want to live out the rest of his years without a faithful companion.  Now, almost ten years later, his children couldn’t be happier about the woman that he chose and she being completely different from his first wife, has offered him an entirely different marriage experience.

 

When a man is widowed and has inclinations to remarry, usually it does happen quickly.  To understand this, we must look at one of the differences between men and women.  Women often have many friends and one or two that they can confide in.  Most men don’t have a friend that they confide in.  They might have many men that they know and regularly grunt and mumble with, but not a close confidant.  This is where their wife comes in.  Even though our husbands don’t talk as much as we do, they view us as their closest friend, confidant and supporter.  We are their best friend.

 

If a man remarries quickly after becoming widowed, it is a compliment to his previous wife.  She made marriage wonderful and he wants to experience it again.   This is between him and God.  Why not offer support and be happy that he is happy again?

An Extension of My Mind & Body

Some read it to understand the history that is contained within the pages.  Some read it for the knowledge that they acquire.  Some read it to absorb it and become it.  What book do I speak of?  The Bible, God’s Word, the Holy Scriptures.

 

Ephesians 6 refers to God’s word as the sword of the Spirit.  Hebrews 4 says that God’s word is full of living power and sharper than the sharpest sword, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires.  It is interesting to me that God uses the sword as imagery to describe His love letter to us.  Why is this?  Simply put, His love letter is our most effective weapon.  Why then can there be different results from reading the word of God?

 

A few years ago, I was involved in a Bible study with three other women.  It was an excellent study about the character of God.  I felt a bit inferior in my knowledge of the Bible compared to the other women but I was excited about learning more.  One evening, as we each shared what we had learned that week, I erroneously made reference to a verse in 2 Timothy 6 which doesn’t exist.  I confused it with 1 Timothy 6.  One of the women, with her superior knowledge of the Bible, immediately knew my mistake and pointed it out.  Unfortunately, she shamed me in front of the others.  Was I incorrect?  – yes.  Did she have to handle it in this way? – no.  She humiliated me by the way that she handled it and at the time, I wanted to crawl into a hole.  After years of reconciling this occurrence, I have realized that although she possessed vast knowledge of God’s word, her “sword” was not an extension of her mind and body.  Why is this important?

 

Because, knowledge of the Bible without a genuine affection for it, produces religious self-righteousness and spiritual pride.  It becomes our weapon against people instead of our weapon against our true enemies – our own sin and Satan.  Affection always allows the subject of our affection to become close to us and even eventually, one with us.  Have you noticed that when you are affectionate toward someone, you want to spend time with them, you want to know more about them and then finally you begin to think like them and even mimic them?  Have you also noticed that when you are with someone where genuine affection exists, others are blessed by the relationship too?  When we have salvation through Jesus Christ and we study God’s word with genuine affection, our sword becomes an extension of our mind and body.  The result is the beautiful fruit of the Holy Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

 

At the end of last year, I made a plan to read my Bible in one year during 2017.  When the first day of the year came, I realized that I wasn’t looking forward to this.  As I prayed, I understood why.  For me, when I have tried to do that much Bible reading in one day, my mind wandered and I didn’t really benefit.  I also began to view this as just another item to check off of my to-do list.  I decided to try a different approach.  Starting with Genesis 1, I’ve been reading one chapter per day and I choose one idea or verse or a small passage that stands out to me.  I then meditate on that, as I go about my day.  Sometimes I pray for understanding.  I often pray for God to do that work in my life.  If I miss a day, I don’t fret about it – I just continue on the next day.  This kind of study has been really beneficial and effective.  These impactful words are becoming an extension of my mind and body.  My sword is becoming one with my hand, equipping me to do the work that God has called me to, during this season.

 

When I’m studying God’s word, I regularly examine my motives.  Am I studying for head knowledge or am I allowing His love letter to become one with me?  Am I becoming it?  The first motive repels people from us but the second produces an attractiveness that draws people in – they want what we have – the enticingly sweet fruit, which is produced by a genuine affection for God and His word.