I hear other people talking about God’s call on their life. Starting a ministry, going to Bible college, training and going into a remote mission field. I’m excited for them and happy that they are following God’s leading, but I’ll admit that sometimes I feel like I’m inadequate. Every ministry that I’m involved in, is a behind-the-scenes venture. There isn’t acknowledgement or “stage-time”. I’m fine with this – even comfortable and at peace with it, but sometimes I feel like I don’t get to handle the big guns – kind of inadequate.
I was just crawling into bed, getting ready to settle down for some much overdue writing and then some television watching. It was going to be a nice quiet evening with my husband in bed next to me, doing his evening scroll through Facebook. Then the call came. It was a distress call. I was to throw a few items into a bag, get out the door to someone who needed me. I handed the telephone to my husband, who began to sooth the distraught soul on the other end of the line. I stood there completely frozen – stunned at this thing that was happening. So much was at stake here. I’m so inadequate. How would I be able to be wise enough and strong enough?
I flew down the highway. Praying constantly. I prayed for His protection over the hurting one. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for God to keep my car on the curvy road and to keep the animals off of the road. I prayed that He would empower me to keep my mouth shut when I needed to, and to give me the words to say that were right for the moment. I felt inadequate.
What should have been a forty-five minute drive, became thirty minutes and when I drove up, my fears abound. My mind played tricks on me, replaying a time of a hurting loved one from my past – the one that I couldn’t help, because I was inadequate. I knocked. We embraced. We prayed. I prepared a meal. I did the dishes and I listened. I realized that my entire life was preparation for exactly this moment, and this was His call. It was the appointment that He had made for me. I then knew, merely listening with only a pinch of input, being in the room while they slept, and praying for them as I kept watch, was completely adequate.
His strength is made known in my inadequacy. 2 Corinthians 12:9