I’m a juggler. No, a magician. Superwoman? The truth is – I’m dropping the balls, the trick has lost its magic, and I definitely don’t feel super.
Suddenly, the little chunk of world that I’ve managed fairly well, seems to be coming undone at the seams. My mom who is my only living parent, is very ill as I write this. Those babies, that I held in my protective arms, are now going out into the big scary world and making big scary choices. I’ve loved deeply enough to have been hurt. I’ve lived long enough to be blamed for things that weren’t my fault. My once orderly home-school seems disordered. I’m still running a business and still trying to finish up our new home. I’m being faithful to my ministries. Most importantly, I’m taking care of my husband, marriage and mothering a teenage young man. And the cherry on top – I’m officially menopausal, and I’m no longer recognizing the woman that looks back at me in the mirror. It’s still acting like winter here and honestly I feel like I’m living through a long winter of life. Well, it’s not any wonder that I’m overwhelmed and mildly depressed.
Sorry for the gloomy introduction, but there’s just no way to sugar-coat the pressures that a woman feels in this stage of life, and there are days when it does get the best of me, but I’m learning to focus on living well, and I’d like to share what I’m learning with you.
>When I realized that I was emotionally disconnecting, I told my husband what was happening. We need to let someone know – they may not be able to identify this on their own. Now, he is my lifeline – he can pray for me and intervene, and since he knows my insecurities about aging, he tells me that I’m getting better with age.
>I asked a few trusted friends to pray for me. I withheld nothing. They know exactly what state I’m in. Since they are each unique – they have each encouraged me in unique ways.
>I’m focusing on the people and relationships where I have influence. No matter how tired I am or inconvenient it is, I’m intentional, because I don’t want regret.
>I’m reading God’s Word every single day and sometimes multiple times a day, and I fall asleep meditating on His promises. I’m praying bold prayers – no wimpy prayers for this woman. This has given me hope.
>I’m choosing forgiveness where others have wronged me or continue to hurt me, and I’m choosing to believe that God is my victor, and He will bring the truth forward when the time is right.
>I’m doing what I need to do to take care of my physical health. No guilt. I’m sleeping in if I need sleep. I’m making my nutrition and exercise a priority, and I’m throwing the to-do list aside if necessary.
You are everything to someone. Please don’t forget that. You don’t need to jump higher to please others. You are amazing exactly who and where you are, because God has put you in your unique setting to solve a problem – so take a breath, and be still, and know that He is God.
Update: My precious mother passed away two days ago, just after I wrote this. I’ll be taking time to grieve and help my brother. My next post will be a Mother’s Day post and I’ll tell you all about this amazing woman that I called Mom. Thank you for taking the time to read, react and comment. You really do encourage me.